To some this may seem so random but I am going to ask it anyway;
When someone you know, it may be an acquaintance, close friend, family member, co worker or even a neighbor has hurt feelings or is upset do you automatically start racing through your memory to see if you have said or done something to cause it?
That is usually how my mind works, I assume that I have something to do with others' problems. Let me give you a for instance.
Some time ago a lady that I attend church with was going through some very difficult times emotionally, almost to the point of suicide. I racked my brain to see if I had said something that offended her in some way and contributed to her depression. I realize now that it had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with me but I somehow convinced myself that it was my fault.
That got me to thinking about someone I had served in a calling with (a calling is an area of service given within the LDS church). We were discussing this very subject and she asked me how I personally reacted to other peoples problems. I related to her how I always assume that it was somehow my fault. She then told me how she reacts in the same situation, she would just assume that it had nothing to do with her and until someone told her different that is how she treated the situation. The complete opposite of me.
So, how about you. Do you react like me or do you react like my friend Cathy?
11 comments:
I react just like you do and so does my husband. If Cathy has any tips on how to change this, let me know!
Sometimes the guilt is overwhelming. I have such a problem looking for how I caused someone problems. How do we change??
I don't do it with everyone, just some people. Like if Luvpilot is a little grumpy, I immediately think it's because of something I did or didn't do. I never even think that he may be grumpy because of something he did himself, or that he's grumpy just because.
I'm with all of you! I blame myself first and for everything. Yes, how do you change that?
Hmmm, I must be miss insensitive because the thought never crosses my mind...yikes...But if by chance it does, it's because It WAS my fault and an apology most definitely follows.
To my comfort, my friends know me well enough not to be offended by my bluntness, thank heavens!
This is an interesting question. I am supersensitive to people's feelings so I pretty much know right away if I say or do the wrong thing - I guess I worry in the moment and apologize profusely if I think I have done something wrong.
The only problem is that I expect others to do the same so if someone is rude or insensitive to me I tend to get my feelings hurt and I have to realize that they did not do it on purpose.
Ohhhhhh the womanly horomones!!!
I actually react like your friend, unless it is my hubs or one of my kids. Then I have to stop and think if there maybe was something I did or said...
I don't assume it's my fault unless I get served a subpoena.
I have not thought about that much but I do try to always be kind no matter what, that way I seldom worry about what I did. Sometimes though it still happens..I guess we just follow what the Savior said and keep being kind. :D
I'm very aware of others reactions to me. If someone is being what I feel is "negative" toward me, I will think hmm.. wonder if I said something. Other than that I don't get involved, and I really don't blame myself.
I think that when we are suffering in one way or another we can often times let that get the best of us and unfortunately push it onto others around us. This really makes me stop and think about how MY OWN attitude at times could possibly make others feel the very way your do Connie. We should all be more aware of our actions, words, and reactions to others. Gosh.. I hope that made sense. Good topic.
Feeling? People have feelings? I thought I was the only one to have them and then only once in awhile. Love the blog. I generally don't worry about it for two reasons. Number 1 I don't think I say anything to make people feel bad. I try to be positive. Number 2. If I did it was totally unintentional and I would need a rock to fall on my head for me to get that I had said something wrong. LOL
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