It's time again for you to be able to Tell It Like It Is Tuesday.
Do you have something on your mind that you would like to get off your chest but realize that it could cause too much drama if you did? Well you have come to the right place. Just leave what's on your mind right here and it will make you feel better. You can even comment anonymously.
What's on your mind?
12 comments:
Where do I start? With the daughter who keeps choosing the wrong guy? With her live-in boyfriend who was recently arrested for having child porn on their computers? With her ex-husband and his new wife who decided to post about it on Facebook?
How will this end? Who knows? Boyfriend may go to jail for 1-20 years. Grandchildren will probably go to live with their father who is on the other side of the country. Daughter will more than likely be moving in with us, at least for a time. Stay tuned.
If you promise me that this is a safe place where I can vent?
My "Tell It Like It Is" vent is so bad that I cannot put it on my own blog. I am pretty sure that my future sister-in-law won't hunt me down on Blogger and track my moves, so I am letting it all hang out right here, right now!
My husband, 40, is the oldest of 5 children. He has a sister, Becky, 37, and three brothers, Doug, 33, Ryan, 31 and Joe 29. My husband has always complained that his sister was the favorite growing up and he was pretty much looked over his entire life. When the three younger brothers joined the family, it got worse. He said he can remember being 8 years old and feeling like he didn't matter. He is the black sheep of the family. He does say things to get a rise out of people and he is always pushing the envelope. He tries to participate in family functions, like Sunday dinners and holidays, but our kids end up getting the blame for various misgivings. Anytime an argument is started or if anything is broken, my kids automatically get the blame. My husband says “What is the point in going and subjecting myself to this, if I walk away feeling so poorly?” After being with him for the past 18 years, it finally hit me that he was right. I love his parents and sister, but I didn't grow up in their house and cannot completely comprehend the dynamics. I love his brothers and their families too. Doug’s wife is a doll. She and I talk more than any of the siblings do.
I am getting a little closer to making my point. Andy's youngest brother, by 11 years, is getting married in August. Joe is our neighbor and we see him once a week. He typically brings parts home from John Deere to my husband. His future bride is 22. I don’t really know her. She did go Christmas shopping with Andy and me. We have spent time with her. My kids seem to like her fairly well. She is pretty. I am even hosting a shower for her in June. I asked Becky and Doug's wife to help. I am open minded and completely willing to give anyone a chance.
I respect that it is their wedding, and they can do as they wish. My girls said they would like to be flower girls. I never encouraged them to want to do this. I really wouldn’t want the expense, but I would do it for my family. And I thought since Joe has three nieces, ages 9, 8 and 7 and Amanda has none, they would find something for all of the girls to do. When we were planning the bridal shower, my 7 year old, Addy, came in and asked Amanda if she could be a flower girl? Of course, we all ignored her because I didn’t think it was the time nor the place, Amanda, Becky, Jessica and Linda ignored her because they already knew that my girls weren’t going to be in wedding. Then Becky’s 8 year old daughter, Sydney, came through and asked if Addy could be a flower girl with her. We ignored Sydney, for the same reasons.
After the room cleared out, Amanda said to me that they just couldn’t include everyone. Sydney and Amanda’s cousin were going to be flower girls. Doug’s son, Kale, was going to be the ring bearer. If my girls wanted to be in the wedding they could pass out the bubbles. She also explained that she and Joe would like our twelve year old son to be an usher with Becky’s 9 year old son, Camden. Camden is difficult. I think he just misunderstood, but most of the cousins have a hard time playing with him when there are a big group of kids involved. I cannot see Mitchell and Camden working well enough together to successfully get people to their seats. I told her that if my children wanted to participate, they had my permission to do so, but she and Joe would have to ask them themselves. (TO DATE THEY HAVE NOT ASKED!)
Addy would be content to be a bubble girl. Mallory was deeply hurt and her response was this, “Mom, they didn’t even consider including me or Addy, until Addy mentioned it to them. Including us was an afterthought. I don’t want to be a bubble girl. They chose Sydney over me and that hurts my feelings. I don’t even want to go. That is my birthday weekend and I want to go the lake and go boating, like we have done ever summer since I was 5. Please don’t make me go.”
I am not mad at anyone, but my protective mommy instincts have kicked in and I am angry that my child is hurt. My kids already feel that their grandparents favor Becky’s kids. They don’t feel that way about Doug’s four boys. So the obvious issue is similar to the one my husband has with his sister.
I talked with my mother-in-law, Linda, about this. Her reply to Mallory being upset was. “That is stupid.” She didn’t mean Mallory was stupid. I wasn’t offended by her response, because she must have given my husband the same reply when he was growing up. I explained that Mallory is 9 and she can only see things from a 9 year olds point of view. Mallory is entitled to her feelings. You cannot make someone feel differently than they do. And if Linda, my mother-in-law, wants to tell Mallory that her feelings are stupid, she will have to go through me first. Linda reiterated that was not her intent and Mallory wasn’t stupid.
So I have walked around with this hard heart for three weeks. At church on Easter morning, I didn’t even let the Holy Spirit in. Typically, at any point in the sermon or during a song, I am reduced to tears. Easter and Christmas are usually worse when it comes to keeping my emotions in check. But this Easter, I just looked at my in-laws, and Becky with her kids, Joe and Amanda, with sweet little Sydney sitting in between them thinking lamenting about how angry I was at them making my Mallory feel second best.
I really want to blame Amanda. But Lord knows, she probably has no idea what she is getting herself into. Maybe she wanted to impress my mother-in-law, get closer to Becky, or maybe it was what Joe wanted. I want to be mad at Becky, but she is sweet. It really isn’t her fault. She has been made to feel special all of her life. She isn’t boastful, nor do I perceive her as being self centered. I simply don’t see her through my husband’s eyes. Andy says she is sweet as long as everyone is making over her or as long as she is getting her way. I would like to blame Andy’s parents, but I love them. I have known them for 18 years. They have helped us out financially many times, as they have with all of their children. I shouldn’t expect much from Linda. I told her we were feeling, she really didn’t acknowledge it, because she doesn’t see any wrong in it.
I am left standing here with this cold and bitter heart towards all of them. I want to tell them all where to get off at, but it would only be to hurt them. Nothing constructive would come from it.
But when it comes to my kids feeling less than they are, I am putting my foot down.
Um, wow! I told it like it is, and it took three comments. I feel incredibly better for getting it out there and off of my chest. If you can offer any insight to me, I would appreciate it, immensely.
Well.. believe it or not I've not noth'n to complain about. So.. I'll go with the weather.. NO MORE STORMS... PLEASE.. There scaring me to death! More coming our way.. sigh..
Can I jump in here and give my two cents to Galloway Mom?
From what you've shared, there's contention that pre-dates any of the children and in-laws, and that began with your husband and his parents.
Nobody's gonna fix that between now and a June wedding.
But there's still a lovely choice to be made by You and your family. How will you choose to celebrate the marriage of the youngest brother and his fiance? Is participation in the actual ceremony going to define the relationships you each have with the happy couple long after the wedding day?
I would say take a step back and look at things with a more open heart. Refuse to be offended. Accept the invitations to participate and do so gladly and willingly. It will make the experience much sweeter for your daughters and the bride-to-be.
And that's about all you have control over.
That's my two cents. Good luck!
This is to all the parents who are so busy living vicariously through their childrens sports. Loading up teams with a select few that are superior players just so you can strut around and think you are all that because your team whips up on all the other teams. These kids are third and fourth graders for crying out loud. Small town sports...UGH!!!!
I can't stand the bloggers that post pics of what they wore every day.
World Peace!
Wow this was a fun read today but thankfully nothing to share this week!
I don't have a rant....more of a guilty admission. I feel bad that my sisters are working Mothers and have to live pay check to pay check. I on the other hand have been blessed enough to be a stay-at-home Mom since my kids were little. I shouldn't feel guilty. They made some poor choices along the way and have had to pay for them....but it is hard to watch them struggle.
Well I guess I do have something on my mind this week.
To all you cat owners that think you were smart getting a male cat so you don't have to worry about kittens;
MALE CATS THAT HAVE NOT BEEN NEUTERED ARE A MENACE. WE HAVE HAD SOMEBODIES BLACK TOM CAT THINKS IT IS HIS DUTY TO MARK HIS TERRITORY BY SPRAYING MY HOUSE. THE STENCH IS SO BAD I THINK I MIGHT HAVE TO HAVE IT PROFESSIONALY CLEANED.
I have never killed an animal in my life but I am ready, willing and able to shoot this @#^@$%##@ tom cat. GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
HEAR ME ROAR!
As Bob Barker would say, "Have your pet spayed or nuetered".
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